Life in The Family International

There are some days when feelings come that you can’t describe—can’t put a name on them or explain exactly why you feel that way. I have cause to believe that the majority of the negative human feelings are ones of regret. I know in my own life, there have been many days of feeling that. And upon occassion (often a New Year, or other such “resolution days”), I resolve in my heart to never let any feeling of regret burden my present and cloud my disposition. I always face the future, wanting to walk “where angels fear to tread”, and striving to maintain a positive outlook.

But yesterday, that sunken feeling came again. On the last day of the Kids Camp, a text message came into my phone from the mother of a six-year-old at the hospital, and it went like this: “Nyx, my little boy wants to know why you weren’t at the hospital last Thursday. He was waiting for you.” That’s all it said, very simple, but at that moment I felt an excruciating feeling. I hadn’t told them I was taking a week’s leave to staff the camp. I hadn’t explained thoroughly that this week was going to be devoted to other kids who needed my help. So come Thursday, they were there, waiting. I did tell my co-volunteer that I’d be away, and asked if she could handle the usual hospital patients on her own. She’d said, “No sweat, it’s cool. I’ll bring a friend to help out.” So that was that, and on Monday I switched to Kids Camp mode, putting aside my usual Thursday concerns for the hospital. I guess that didn’t go by unnoticed.

So I didn’t know exactly how to say “I’m sorry…I promise I’ll be there next week” to the mother. In my line of work with terminally-ill kids, I have learned to live for the day, but then… what happens when you want to take yesterday back and be there for them, when you knew you weren’t? That’s all I have to blog about tonight. I guess I am just wanting to get these thoughts off of my chest. And it’s not quite regret that I am feeling, I’m still searching for the word to define it. I just hope and pray, that for that kid, there’ll be a next week.

Nyx is a vounteer Missionary Member of The Family International. Her missions have taken her through South East Asia, India, East Africa and South Africa. She currently runs charity projects for terminally-ill, indigent children in The Philippines and is also a child-education consultant, youth counsellor, freelance writer for TV, radio, magazines, a voice-talent, illustrator, artist, Events Host and Music Marketer. She is the eldest of 13 siblings, and a Taurean who enjoys spicy food, open-bar nights, long baths, photographing people, and throwing festive parties. Dislikes: Whiny women, bratty children, spoiled men. More about Nyx

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 5th, 2006 at 11:55 am and is filed under Family Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.