Life in The Family International

Probably one of the biggest lessons in life the Lord has taught me–and retaught me–along the years of serving Him, is that He wants me to lean on HIM alone and not any one person. I like the security, the dependence, being able to lean on someone else and have them make my decisions. Lately, I’ve found myself stripped of that comfort, having to “rough it” out here (or anywhere I end up, actually) and always it has driven me back to the realization that hey, I wasn’t meant to look for someone else to lean on… I was meant to look to HIM.

Yesterday, someone I loved very much some years ago got back on Yahoo messenger and we had a little chat. It brought back memories of that beautiful time together (my selective memory, of course) and somewhere deep in my heart I missed it badly and wished for it again. It’s a lonely feeling when you’ve gone for months, perhaps years, without that warmth, and all of a sudden, like a drug you’ve been trying to get over, it comes back and hits you with the intoxication and you crave more.

I asked the Lord about it; why He let me go through the deserts where every once in a great while there’s been an oasis, but for the most part, He’s had me journey alone. And I guess that’s what it all comes back to. He has made me strong on my own–strong in HIM, becuase there’s no one else around. I learn to not be needing dependency on another human to satisfy that craving.

I remember when I had all the satisfaction the world could give me, and I was blessed with love and so much goodness. Yet it was human love, and it didn’t seem to quite reach down to the depths of my heart where I needed reassurance. Strange how that happens, and you’d think I was a spoiled brat for wanting more. Yet the flesh didn’t satisfy, and it taught me that here, deep in my heart, I was in fact reaching out for something supernatural.
So.. I’m gonna keep reaching for something way Up There, out there, and I’m going to just let the Spirit satisfy my own….Okay, this wasn’t trying to be a blog post… just some random thoughts that crept up on me as I was supposed to be working. Eh heh.

Nyx is a vounteer Missionary Member of The Family International. Her missions have taken her through South East Asia, India, East Africa and South Africa. She currently runs charity projects for terminally-ill, indigent children in The Philippines and is also a child-education consultant, youth counsellor, freelance writer for TV, radio, magazines, a voice-talent, illustrator, artist, Events Host and Music Marketer. She is the eldest of 13 siblings, and a Taurean who enjoys spicy food, open-bar nights, long baths, photographing people, and throwing festive parties. Dislikes: Whiny women, bratty children, spoiled men. More about Nyx

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 29th, 2006 at 8:04 am and is filed under Me. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.